Ch 1:
Couple constantly make comments about things which can be responded to positively or negatively. Example: husband says to wife: "That's a nice car." The wife can respond with validation or negatively. Couples that respond with validation more often are more likely to remain married, according to 1 study.
Ch 2:
Validation is recognizing their emotion or feeling, and providing justification for them feeling that way.
When someone tells you something, before jumping in with advice or contrary opinion, take a moment to validate their feelings.
My natural temperament at the time of reading this book is about as far away from someone who naturally validates as it gets.
Ch 3:
Validation of good emotions is just as important as bad emotions.
Neutral (disinterested) responses can be just as harmful as negative responses.
You can validate without agreeing with someone. It just involves looking at things from their perspective for a moment and understanding why they feel as they do.
Validation is not just repeating back what they said. It is connecting on the emotion underlying the statement.
Match their energy level.
Part 2:
He has a good section on validating their feelings as opposed to giving false praise or reassurance when something is wrong or they have done poorly.
After you validate their feelings, only then is it ever appropriate to offer advice or criticism.
My conclusions:
On the whole, not terrible, but not a particularly great book. Something about the idea of validating what everyone feels regardless of what it is just doesn't sit well with me, but there's no arguing that it wouldn't be good for your relationships with people.
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