Give Me A Little Respect

(written 8/16/18)

Aretha Franklin died today. One of the articles Drudge linked to about her was the story of how she took the song "Respect" (which was originally about a beaten down man asking for some respect from his wife) and turned it into a feminist anthem. That got me thinking once again about the idea of respect and why feminists seem to be so obsessed with it.

Feminist demands for respect from men have always been difficult to deal with because the only alternative seems to be "disrespecting" women, and no one says that women should be belittled and disrespected. So, on the face of it, it seems like the feminists are in the right. Yet, something always didn't sit easy with me when thinking about it. I think I've finally got a better understanding of what exactly is going on.

Take, as an analogy, the relationship between a king and a peasant living in his kingdom. Now I realize this is probably the most offensive analogy I could have come up with but bear with me for a second. If the peasant walked up to the king and said, "hey, I need you to do x, y, & z for me" that would be incredibly impudent and disrespectful to the king and he would rightly be thrown out. However, if the king called the peasant and say, "hey, I need you to do x, y, & z for me" that would be perfectly natural. So what is the difference? Their different stations in life command different levels of respect and deference when relating to others. Now this is not to say that a husband is a king and a wife is a peasant, but it establishes that respect in behavior is not applied equally to all. Yet even the peasant could be disrespected by the king if the king abused his authority. For example, imagine if the king had told the peasant, "come over here and kneel on the ground so I can use your back as a footrest." Most people would agree that that is an overly demanding and demeaning command, even from a king.

Let's apply this to the relationships between men and women. A husband is the head of the wife and wives are repeatedly told in Scripture to respect (often better translated reverence) and obey their husbands. However, when husbands are instructed on how to treat their wives, the focus is always on loving and cherishing them. Yet no husband who is loving and cherishing his wife is going to treat her in a demeaning way. But that doesn't mean husbands are to submit and respectfully defer to their wives. The type of respect wives owe to husbands is different than the type of respect husbands owe to wives. Wives respect their husbands by cheerfully submitting to instructions and following their lead. Husbands honor their wives as the weaker vessel by not leading in an overbearing way ("live with your wives in an understanding way") and looking out for the wife's best interests.