What I Should Be as a Man

(Written 8/19/18)
People have a tendency to make long lists of requirements they want in a potential mate, without ever considering why a person who meets all those requirements would ever choose them in the first place. For example, both of the girls I've dated in the past year had made 30 point lists of qualities they wanted in a man, yet neither had ever considered, as far as I could tell, what qualities of their own they had that made them worth such a man. Many girls have this attitude because of the constant message in our culture that girls are a prize to be won, that they're valuable just for existing while the guy has to compete for their hand. However, I think guys as well are not all together immune to this failing. I've noticed in my own thinking that I naturally spend much more time thinking of all the virtues I'd like in a girl rather than what I am called to be. In order to fight back against this tendency, I would like to discuss what a godly man (and husband) should be.

First and foremost, a godly man must not be lazy. Paul said that if anyone would not work, they shouldn't be able to eat. Men are obligated to work to provide for their families, and a lazy sluggard will leave his wife and children hungry and destitute. You can see this role of men all the way back at the curse, where God cursed Adam and Eve both in their primary functions, Eve in bearing children, and Adam in working to bring food. Work as a result of the fall is hard and not necessarily something we do for fun, but it is what we are called to do.

Men are called to be strong, principled, and courageous. These three things are closely related to each other. We see this in 1 Corinthians 16: "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." This is one of the clearest verses in Scripture that teaches that men specifically are expected to act a certain way. Paul here equates acting like a man with strength of conviction in the articles of our faith. One very literal translation actually translated the end of that verse as "be men, be strong." Even in the Old Testament, God constantly commanded Joshua to "be strong and very courageous." A man who is strong, both physically and in the strength of his convictions, who stands by his principles and will go through grave danger to protect his people, is a man worthy of admiration.

Men are to be leaders and authorities, and they should be worthy of that honor and responsibility. If my wife is commanded to submit herself to me "as to the lord," and "in everything," if she is told to obey me, if I am her head in an analogous way to Christ being the head of the Church, then I have an incredibly awesome honor and responsibility. This level of power men have been given is often abused, once again going back to the curse after the Fall where Eve was told that her desire would be against her husband but he would rule over her. What was once a benevolent leadership was all too often turned into a tyrannical leadership as a result of the fall. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, specifically in the way Christ sanctified her, washing her and making her clean so that she would be holy. Paul says in that way husbands are to love their wives. My authority and leadership are to be used to lead my wife towards God and towards holiness. I should always have her best interest and the best interest of my family at heart. I am to cherish my wife as my own flesh.

One of the largest drives a man has is the sex drive. It has the ability to overpower a man, but a godly man only uses it in a God-honoring way. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that I am not to deprive my wife of my conjugal duties. She has a right to expect regular sex from me (as I do from her), if you don't want to have sex with someone, don't marry them. Most men don't have much of a problem with this aspect of sexual morality (it's more often women who struggle with their daily libedo) but that is not all we are commanded. In Proverbs we are repeatedly warned about the dangers of the "wanton woman," the adulterous, who's lips drip with honey, but who's path leads to death.

"Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.
Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?
Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love."

The command to rejoice in the wife of your youth is especially worth bringing out. As wives age and lose their youthful beauty, men struggle with the temptation of the younger woman, but we are called to be faithful to our wife and her alone. Sensual love is glorified, but only in the marital embrace.

Lastly, a godly man is a godly father, one who raises his children up in the way they should go. Children are to honor, respect, and obey their parents, and parents are to lead their children towards holiness. In Deuteronomy we are told to teach the Law diligently to our children, at all times. "You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." We are always discipling our children. This also includes discipline, since "whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Many women have great difficulty spanking their children, so a man should do all he can to take this responsibility upon himself when it is possible.


I hope that has painted a picture of what kind of man God desires, and what kind of man I hope to be.